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Being Bullied - Taylor's Story

Hello my Name is Taylor and this is my bully story. I apologize in advance while writing these things may be spelled wrong or bad grammar because this story is hard for me to share. I know it’s hard but if this helps at least one person I know I did my part.

           It starts off in elementary kindergarten to be exact. I was considered "different" the kids didn't like the way I looked sounded and etc. They would leave me out of any activities on the playground and made fun of me often. In first grade it didn't get much better I was still treated the same and no one wanted to be my friend. In second grade it was still the same except now I was writing and didn't get the best grades because the teacher took points off for my letters touching, kids started calling me a dumb blonde and at some point I started to believe I was, I acted sounded and pretty much seemed dumb because they made me believe I was. By this point I was no longer myself, I use to be bubbly, fun, shy, quiet apart until I was comfortable with you, always had a smile on my face. By second grade I had stopped doing all of those things, never talked to anyone, never wanted to smile I closed myself off. Third grade I got treated like dirt, I was in speech class and couldn't read on my grade level was struggling with math, reading, and every other subject, even though I struggled I still never got less than a B, I just had to put in a lot of extra work and I was bullied for it. People found out I didn't live with my mom, only my dad and step mom. Fourth grade came along and I was bullied for the fact my mom and dad weren't together. Was told I end up just like my low life brother, just like my mom. My P.E. teacher started to bully me calling me rude names, calling me fat even though I was extremely small for my age because I always have been. In fifth grade I thought it had gone away but nothing changed I was picked on for the fact I got tutored in math after school. I hated school, hated everything, was treated so badly I just wanted out, I never spoke up because I didn't know who to tell. I was beyond myself I even stopped being myself at home, my parents wanted to fix it but didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it. Finally middle school came along. Sixth grade I got glasses and was called four eyes. I was told I was still a stupid blonde and I still believed it. I wasn't happy just went through the days, one day at a time. It was hard going through hearing people call you names, "Stupid" "Ugly" "Anorexic" "Bulimic" you see I'm not anorexic or bulimic I'm just very tiny. I was never myself and I didn't know how to be, I lost who I was. Then a TV show came out and they were also a band, now known as my favorite band, Big Time rush, they started to slowly bring me back. They made me happy, I would smile, started to be bubbly at home again. Then seventh grade came along, seventh grade was one of my hardest years. My close friend had moved back and I was happy. The bullying never stopped though, only got worse. The names got worse they became things like "S**" "W****" got called the B word often. I was told I had no friends. One day I was being bullied bad at school told I was hideous, ugly. I went home crying, I sat on my bed crying I put my music on shuffle and just let it play and let my thoughts run wild. I though "What if I killed myself, everything would be better" before my thoughts could go any further Cover Girl by Big Time Rush had come on, stopping my thoughts. Another day I was ignored all day, even by teachers, was pushed and shoved out of the way I was invisible. I went home crying again that same day I put my music on shuffle and the same thoughts occurred "What if I killed myself, everything would be better" just as those thoughts crossed again Invisible By Big Time Rush came on stopping me once again. A third time I was feeling helpless so alone like no one cared, I went home bawling. Those same thoughts occurred and the song You’re Not Alone by Big Time Rush came on this time stopping me making me listen to the lyrics and I realized I wasn't alone, that night I got saved at church. I can honestly say if it weren't for those songs coming on those days I wouldn't be here sharing my story. This is not the end of my story, it continues. In eighth grade there was a girl she was in my art class she was horrible to me. Every day she would say something cruel to me. Telling me things like "Stupid" "Ugly" "You have no friends" "No one loves you" it continued all year long. One day one of my best friends moved away another stopped talking to me because we were fighting then my main best friend dropped me said we were no longer friends. I was so hurt and that day this girl ran her mouth told me I had no friends and never would. When I told the counselors about the bullying, they told me "Get over it, it happens to everyone." "Girls are just being girls" one time I went to them about my friends who were bullying me, yes after wards I was no longer friends with them, all they told me was "Get over it make new friends, and maybe if you weren't so horrible and annoying they wouldn't treat you that way" They brought in the girls bullying me but it never did anything, made everything worse actually. It became cyber bullying. So finally I went to the principal. They didn't do anything either. Ninth grade came along and the bullying felt like it wasn't bad, I was wrong I was going through my freshman year all alone. Bullied. I was bullied in choir, my safe place, and I was told they didn't like me and that I couldn't sing and shouldn't be in honor choir. I went home hurt a lot of the time. I never made friends with the older ones in show choir, the rest of the freshman honor choir became friends with the older classes men in show choir. My sophomore year came around and again thought it would be a good year, boy was I wrong. My choir safe place, I was bullied I was in Women's Honor choir now, I wanted to drop choir so many times that year. I was told I couldn't sing and that I should drop it, by fellow classmates. I went home that day crying, I had a lock-in at the school that night. I was at home crying my eyes out, telling everyone on my Facebook I was done. Then I started thinking suicide and of ways to do it and said to myself "NO" started texting people not telling them something was wrong just to chat, I started playing my music and the song You're Not Alone by Big Time Rush came on and some of the lyrics are "You're not alone girl look over your shoulder" and I have no idea why but I looked over my shoulder and behind me was a Big Time Rush poster and it made me think "Wow after everything you want to die, no" One of my friends ended up calling me and I told them I wanted to do that and he kept my mind off of it. Throughout the year I was bullied but I had a teacher I was able to go to. I'm now a junior and I walk into school scared, I have anxiety with it every day. It’s become a danger zone for me. I'm a victim of bullying of all kinds and I still struggle. I'm not here to say it gets better because from my experience it still hasn't but I can say it gets easier, you find ways to cope. This is My Story and I hope this helps someone.